A little background info: My husband and I have tried a few things to spice things up and to explore things sexually (together). We have 1 couple that we have tried things with together. This past weekend we got together, we were going to bed (each couple had separate beds), I attempted fore-play, but nothing happened, I cuddled, no response, then my husband turned his back on me - I really didn't think anything of it at the time. The wife of the other couple was talking, again not thinking anything. I asked my husband for night kisses, they were quick and he turned away again. Laying there, I started to get upset - thinking why am I being brushed off. I put on my glasses to go outside to use the bathroom when I glanced over to see that she was being pleasured by her husband orally and my husband was watching. Don't get me wrong - I don't see anything wrong with that, I would have loved to have watched myself. I just don't know why my husband didn't "invite" me to watch?
He shortly came out to see what was wrong, I explained I was hurt that he didn't invite me to watch with him. He said he thought I knew what was going on. I explained that I couldn't see over his shoulders and she was talking, carrying on a conversation - again, not thinking anything was going on. He apologized. Then when they were finished they came out, I was finished and went back inside only to have my husband holding me, kissing me, etc. Then I really got mad and went back outside. He came out and questioned me. I explained, I attempted foreplay and cuddled even kisses and got no response from him because he appeared to "brush me off", when they were finished, then he had time for me?? I still feel betrayed that I was not "included", when we have always done things together. Am I over-reacting, because I really feel hurt about not being involved.

His answer to you about thinking that you knew what was going on, is reasonable. I do empathise with how you are feeling, I believe I would feel the same way. However, you've said your piece, and I think that should be the end of it. I think you had your feelings hurt, and that takes a little time to mend. Don't over think on it. I think everything will turn out fine.

He was watching live porn and thought you knew that a show was going on. You interrupted his show, it's like interrupting during a football game.

You feel betrayed? If this bothers you then how do you expect to "play" with another couple? Will you be hurt when he's pleasuring the other women? Will you be hurt when he's ignoring you while he's having sex with her? Of course you will.

I'm all for spicing things up in a marriage, but inviting another couple into your bed is usually a recipe for disaster.

If you can't handle him watching, then I doubt that you can handle what comes after.

Good luck.

Ah HA!

This is another couple that broke the first rule of inviting ANYONE else into the bedroom!

Rule number one is simple: TALK ABOUT THE RULES!

You didn't establish rules beforehand, so both of you had your expectations not met. Both of you were hurt. And I bet NEITHER of you was fulfilled.

You need to communcate BEFORE you are in those situations about what the rules are for those situations. Period.

No, don't get me wrong -- I too wanted to watch, I just feel hurt because he didn't think about inviting me to watch - which I thought would be "hot". I have invited him to be with her, he just has this problem getting it up for some reason with other women (we tried 2 times), I guess it is too much public exposure?? Both couples have a good understanding and don't overstep our boundries, if you can understand that. We were just curious and comfortable with each other. I guess I just feel hurt because I was left out of the loop.

He didn't intentionally leave you out. You yourself said that he explained that he thought you knew what was going on.

Like I said, he was watching a live show, he thought you where watching as well. Now you're mad because you had no idea that the show was on. How is that his fault?

Yes, we do have rules, since he can't get up with other women, I help him feel more comfortable. We can't get past that major "hump". He has watched me, and was OK with it, I have watched him orally with another woman and was OK with it, no problems there. We don't do this all the time - that time just sort of happened, it wasn't planned.

I am not mad, just hurt that he didn't say "hey check this out". How hard would that have been?

Once again, communication is key in situations like this.

If you had sat together and discussed the rules, and one of the rules was that he was to inform you if something was going on that you might like to watch, and he didn't inform you, then you can feel betrayed.

If you never discussed this beforehand, and he obviously thought that you knew what was going on, therefore he didn't verbally inform you, then you have no reason to be upset. He didn't realize that you weren't watching too.

It's not like he was hiding something from you. You were both in the same room, with the same couple, you had every opportunity to watch, but you missed the show. That's not his fault.

Communicate. Instead of telling us how you feel about this, talk to him.

Good luck.

I guess I need to be on my toes more, you have a good point and I will bring it up about letting me know even if he thinks "I know". It still doesn't help with the hurt that I am feeling, maybe I am being too emotional. I would have liked to watch and I think it would have been a great experience for both of us to enjoy.

I'm sure you'll get another chance to watch. Let go of the hurt feelings, talk to him about it before this wound scars.

Remember, communication is key, especially in situations like this. :)

Thanks everyone, I am sort of feeling better -- this is great since I have no one I can "really" talk to except my husband and I just didn't want to start something that may create this huge argument.

I'm glad we helped.

Just remember, talk to him about your feelings and expectations. If you can do that, then you can avoid feeling hurt again.

Good luck to you.

It seems to me, lost, that if you are going to be experimental and invite others into your sexual relationship, you better be a very mature person! Be a mature and assertive woman who doesn't get all jealous of your husband's enjoyment.

This episode just indicates to me that you possibly aren't ready emotionally for this kind or arrangement. After all, he is desiring to have his own private pleasures with this kind of situation as he showed with this example you gave.

Best wishes going forward, :)

Hmm, I never thought of him "doing this" alone. When we started all this we decided it would be the 2 of us at all times. When he was having "performance" problems, I suggested perhaps he go into another room with the woman - he refused. I guess I better ask if he is wanting to go solo, but to me that is not the "togetherness" we were searching for with this arrangement to enhance our sexual experience. I am not jealous and want to watch him with someone else and he knows it. I have even asked about another female to join us - he is skeptical with that and doesn't feel I would enjoy myself as much and would prefer couples.

I'm glad you're starting to feel better about things, but I thought I would add a few thoughts just the same.

Perhaps instead of being offended by the fact that he didn't vocalize what was happening at the time, you should consider the fact that he isn't getting aroused by other women as flattering.

Is one of you more intent on pushing for the involvement with other people? Even a little bit?

I don't know how much you can or can't see without your glasses, but could that have played into the fact that you didn't see what was going on?

I completely agree with the earlier posts. Your husband apologized, and his excuse could have been completely legitimate. Also consider the possibility that, as a man watching something like that happen right before his eyes, his brain might not have been thinking normally. :)

I'll also second (or third) the establishment of all rules before going into something like that. That said, even with your rules established, it's very easy to find yourself in positions that you couldn't have predicted. In fact, you have to assume that you're going to run into unpredictable emotions and situations if you're going to partake in these things. That has a lot to do with the fact that so many people choose to leave outside play at a fantasy level. No matter what, there are risky elements involved that could make problems within your relationship.

So don't hold a grudge inside. When I started reading your question, I thought I was going to read that he slept with the other couple while you were in the other room. All he did was watch. It's not that bad.

One of the things a person has to be prepared for in group sex is that each person wants to enjoy his or herself in the special way available, especially voyerism, without checking in all the time with someone else.

That's my opinion, anyway.

Well we talked last night and got things straightened up, no problems, new rules established, I feel great. We talked about the situation and laughed. One thing that I thought was odd was that while she was being pleasured by here husband -- she maintained normal conversation - (i.e. - talking about where they would be going for summer vacation, what her husband thought about a couple of their friends, what about a particular item for xmas for a family member, etc.) I asked my husband what exactly was going on, because that is what I was listening to, he said she just laid there and was carrying on a conversation - just like I was hearing. I guess for me that was why I didn't think anything was happening -- there was no change in here voice, no heavy breathing - NOTHING. He said he could understand why I didn't think anything was happening. Then we felt sorry for her because if that is how "bad" her husband is sexually -- OMG what a terrible thing. My husband pleasured her orally and she wasn't talking, but was breathing hard and had a firm grip on his head - I saw that. Oh well, thank you folks for everything -- it was a different perspective that I needed.

I think this is all about perception. and a misunderstanding... you was there too, maybe he felt he didn't NEED to invite you to watch what you could see by simply repositioning yourself. He likely wasn't aware you were so unaware what was happening right next to you.

I think its making a mountain out of a Molehill.

Personally I can't she how a guy could possibly go down on a woman in a quiet room and not make a sound. Either one. Much less talk in a totally normal tone during it.