I think that SSE08 got the message... dont you think??

Amazing how we feel guilty after the deed, but not before.

No matter what you do, somehow it will come back on you, so I advise you be prepared to pay the consequences of your actions, whatever that may be.

Ha, well I guess you two aren't getting married!

Your relationship is actually the least of your problems right now because it's certain the relationship will end (sad-face). But, and this is the kicker, you've likely destroyed your relationship with your "bestfriend", too. It's obvious he had feelings for you, but instead of acknowledging and talking about them, you used him for sex.

Someday, with hope, you'll find someone dumb enough to fall in love with you. Good luck!

I also don't think that the 'best friend' will come around unless he just wants more sex, as most guys don't respect girls that cheat in a relationship.

So, you've got your advice - and a lot of it here - now it's your turn to take a second look at what you really value in a friendship and/or relationship.

It takes some of us humans longer than others to mature and I hope you get it right this time and use a little self-respect and thought for other's feelings.

We know you feel terrible, but we don't really know the motives... only you do - the first step is to be truthful to yourself, then respect others in the future.

The only ones we can change is ourselves.

I will NEVER have sex with the best friend again. EVER. (I don't want to sound too graphic either but) we didn't really have full out sex. I stopped him after a few in outs.

So that isn't an option for me to do. I am considering dropping the friendship between the guy and me because frankly; he's an . He has always been trying to get with me and he always asks me on dates and such. And I'm NOT into him that way. After reading most of these posts, I realize how he just wants to be with me more. I can't believe I've been tolerating that for this long.
So I'm cutting that friendship. Ps. visiting him at college means--> drinking. =/

with the boyfriend-- He loves me. I know that. I DO FEEL SELFISH but I'm not a selfish person. I want to tell him what happened, I WILL tell him what happened. To be completely honest, I don't think he would break up with me. He WOULD NOT trust me though; for a long time. Im just so ashamed; as I should be.

you never had full sex. Just a few in and outs?

My god women. I can't say anything... honestly I can not think of a healthy reply to that post seriously.

I will say this. I really Really do feel sorry for your Friend and your X boyfriend
and I hope they do better without you in there lives

Deciding not to drink and fool around with casual college friends is a wise and mature decision - proud of you.

As I said before, we are all human, and have made our mistakes in life. Learning from them and going in a better direction is also commendable - not all manage to get out of their past mess.

Now what your boyfriend does when he learns you were weak but that you no longer enjoy those drinking parties and casual flirts, is something you will have to live with and yes, you'll have to work hard to regain his trust. I sincerely hope that it works out for you.

But if it does not - please don't take a step backward and go back to the parties - keep on going forward and you'll eventually regain peace and harmony in your life. I really wish that for you. Just take whatever happens as a lesson learned and go on with your life as best as you can. We will be here to help.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

If this friend was showing all this interst in you and knew you was involved with someone, you should have limited yourself around him and put an end to his behavior and if he couldn't stop then end the friendship. I think you love the attention from him and slept with him because you wanted to see what it was like, your words. He didn't force you to have sex with him and you could have said no but you wanted too.

Regardless of the number of times he entered you, your still had sex. Just come clean with your boyfriend.

That's not cool doing that to your boyfriend.
If he's the one, that means you love him dearly and greatly, why would you do that?

Though we are humans, and we have our temptations, and sometimes they can get the best of us.

Well, tell him, and accept what he chooses to do!

Firstly were you thinking. If your boyfriend is so called the one for you why would you even think of doing anything to mess that up! You need to tell him everything that you did to him. And if he stays with you he definitely is stupid and really must love you a lot. I believe that when you love someone and you know they are the one you would never even think of doing something so stupid!! What was going through your head you seem as if you don't even care that you cheated you only seem like you care about getting caught.. . Which to me seems as if you really could care less about your boyfriend. Maybe you shld tell him the truth and if he leaves you I think he would be dong the right thing because if your going to your best friend because he was jealous that shows you care less about your boyfriend. And everyone knows that as long as you are going to associate with your best friend your still going to cheat on your boyfriend with him. Again and again. And if you decide that you do really love your boyfriend and it was a mistake I would advise you might as well chose between your best friend and your man because if you still want your boyfriend you might as well never talk to your best firend again. And if your boyfriend even takes you back you better prepare for a long road of arguing , jealousy, and insecurity. Bc that is exactly how your boyfriend will feel. So I hope your ready for the challenges that are ahead for you.

Ah the cheating girlfriend just like my ex and her friend. Ah and you feel no remorse either just like my ex, your nc deserves better.

Tell your boyfriend and let the chips fall where they may. The issue for him is how likely it is to happen again. He should have the right to make that decision. He and you are the only ones that can solve the problem and rightly so because you are the ones upon whom the results of a bad decision will ultimately fall.

The fact that you believe he won't break up with you is clear indication that you are selfish, and denying it makes you sound even more guilty. You shouldn't be expecting anything, but if you must you should be expecting the worst because you deserve it.

And the reality of it all, he won't trust you ever. Neither will his friends or anyone else who knows you're a cheater. Be prepared to take heat from people you probably don't even know.

You're immature. A case in point (above), don't blame your "friend" for your mistake. He may be a jerk, but your trying to convince us that's why you want to "drop the friendship", as if you never had sex with him.

A lot of us, myself included, have been in your boyfriend's shoes. It's a lousy feeling when you're girlfriend cheats on you, it's like you've been deceived from the first date. It makes you feel stupid for not being able to see the signs.

Grow up and learn to take responsibility.

I totally agree on this one!

Ok Ok OK godda.mnit I've had enough of the hate fest. I've been reading over these posts and it's getting out of hand.

This girl obviously made a mistake that she could regret for the rest of her life and this is a HELP forum not a bashers forum. She came here to see if she could possibly salvage anything out of a relationship she cares for. I am also against cheating to the extreme as well but this IS getting out of hand.

Everyone needs to just take a step back and look at the situation. It's been established that everyone thinks she is a dirty, selfish, cheater but there is more than likely more to the story and nobody here knows her BF better than her. He MIGHT take her back if she is ready for some possibly extreme punishment and a lot of trust issues but who is to say they can't work it out. NONE of us know what will happen.

I for one would almost 80% for sure dumb a girl that cheated on me and I do think "once a cheater always a cheater" but we have to keep open our minds and realize we don't know all the circumstances all the emotions.

She is coming off wrong to everyone but how about giving her constuctive criticism instead of what's currently going on. We know the way she words everything is making her sound like she does not care but she would not keep posting and taking everyone's crap if she did not care for her BF.

So I think to the OP if you really care about this relationship you have got a lot of work to do on yourself and your mental process because this could just as easily happen with ANY other guy you meet ANYTIME. A relationship has a lot more to it than you see. When you cheat you 100% give in to your emotions and stab the love your trying to cultivate in the back. You need to realize that if you get yourself into a truly "serious" relationship you HAVE to give up the options of being with other guys no matter how much you might want them or vise-versa. If you feel yourself slipping up and flirting you HAVE to distance yourself and burn that bridge before you burn down the bridges you truly care about with the firestorm that is cheating.

So what I'm trying to say is to just try to help this girl out or lock this topic and be done with it. There is no point what so ever to just sit here and bash this girl even if she completely deserves it.

Also sorry if my post is over the top.

SimpleguyJoe I respect what you are saying.

There have been many many helpful posts to her many more than she really needs. And she has come back with.
We didn't have real sex
I'm leaving my best friend
I know my boyfriend will take me back. Lala

I mean it does not matter how you word it. It just sounds awful.
And for me. And for a lot of other people it hits close to home. We all help out people
But we also have the right to state our feelings on any subject and most of us did. As I said before it hits close to home with a lot of the members here.

Help thoses who can help themselves. She does not sound like that typ of a person.

I think I speak for all the ones in Her boyfriends place. I'm sure he won't take a step back and see the bright side of this, nor will the best friend either... she has hurt two people for a very selfish way.. and her reason for doing this,
In her own words.

((I have always wondered what it would be like to have sex with him)))

Yeah it's a dumb mistake. But one I feel no pitty for.

This will be my last comment on this subject.

I'd give you rep for your post but I have to spread =(. You also have good points and your more than likely right about the way your dealing with the situation and everyone is entitled to their opinion. It just bugs me A lot when people gang up on others even if they deserve it. Chances are the OP is just trying to find ways to make herself feel better. (even though you should take it like a real woman and take all the negative feelings in so we can hope you never do this again)

Sorry if I was going at it too strongly

Joe
You do make some good points but lot of people come on here to get a justification for what they have done wrong.

I'm not a fan of ganging up on anyone either but when you cheat on the person you love , and freely admit it was to an extent premeditated , you aren't going to get too much sympathy I'm afraid.

I feel for the OP to a certain extent because at least she admits she was wrong in all this , I just really hope she has learned her lesson and doesn't turn into a repeat offender.

I agree we shouldn't be on here making people feel like low lifes... Even though everyone will have there opinion which I did. I know if I came on this site asking for help and everyone was yelling at me I would be a little upset and I wouldn't really feel like anyone was helping me. Even though I agree that cheating is wrong and I do feel like she shouldn't have don't what she did because of her best friend being jealous. I do have a right to make my own opinion though. But in the end if you think about it. This website is called the ask me help desk. So why are we making this girl feel worse maybe we shld all be helping her! Even though most of us agree she is in the wrong. I think that she should just make the decision and tell him the truth and she most likely needs to decide if she wants her best friend or boyfriend more. And seems to me she wants her boyfriend soooo she needs to drop the best friend. Then tell her boyfriend everything. Hopefully he forgives her and if he does then she better prepare for her boyfriend t put her through hell!

On a forum where all the advice and opinion is directed at the one asking the question, ganging up is the only option especially with the questions asked. Sometimes the truth is harsh, and it hurts, but at least it was given to help.

Why bash others for their opinion??? Now that's the thing that's not necessary, as all opinions are just that, opinion.

How do you sugarcoat something you think is very wrong?? Most of us don't, nor should we.