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    SarahGrace's Avatar
    SarahGrace Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 31, 2008, 06:15 PM
    My Daughter is a Stripper
    My husband and I are very concerned for our daughter. She is a bright and beautiful young lady. She received a full college scholarship. In our daughters junior year of college she announces to us that she is taking a break form school. We thought that she might just need a vacation. Then she announces that she has been stripping.

    We talked to her and asked her why would you want to become a stripper. One of the girls at her college dorm took our daughter to work with her one night. Our daughter said the money is great. She keep telling us that she can go back to school anytime. Our first thought was she hooked on drugs. She said she was hooked on the money. She said she can make $1000 a night.

    We begged her to reconsider. She was not an abused child, she grew up with both parents, she is a great kid, she was involved in lots of extra curricular activities at school. She does not have self esteem problems, she has never done drugs or drank alcohol. She was a normal kid.

    My husband and I have cried ourselves to sleep. We thought about the environment of a strip club is not a place that anyone would want to see their daughter in. We talk to about the men at the clubs. We warned her about men following her home, touching her, thinking that she was putting herself out there.

    Now we found out that she is living with a young man just a few years older than she is. She said that meet at a book store. But I believe she meet him at work. She tells us what a great guy he is and works at a bank. I asked he if his family knew what she did. She said no. She says he loves her. I told her if he loved her he would not let her go and take her clothes off for money every night. If he truly loved her he would be bothered by other men looking at her nude etc.

    Then we found out that she was paying for some of the remodeling to his house. I told my daughter her boyfriend was nothing more than a pimp. I told her that was not her house it was his house. I told her if he loved her he would make sure that she finished school and get her out of the strip clubs.

    My daughter will not speak to me anymore she has just cut her family out of our life. In the middle of the whole mess I was in a car accident. A woman rear ended me at a stop light and I have since had 2 back surgeries. I have spinal cord injury.

    My brother in law said that the truth hurts. He believes what I said to my daughter hurt because it was the truth. I am so worried that this young man will hurt her. How do we get our daughter back in our lives and back in school.
    Shadowburn's Avatar
    Shadowburn Posts: 249, Reputation: 179
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    #2

    Aug 31, 2008, 06:22 PM
    What a tough situation. Sorry for what you're going thru:(
    I don't know what advice to give. Unfortunately, looks like she is going to learn the hard way, and you can't do much at this moment. Best of luck to you.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #3

    Aug 31, 2008, 06:27 PM
    Many kids have to learn the hard way and as you can see your trying to tell her things that concerned you only pushed her away. All you can do if you want a relationship is try and patch things up by telling her that you realize it is her life and she is going to do what she wants. That you don't want to be cut out of her life so you will not bring your concerns up any more. Even though you do not condone what she is doing you do want to be there for her.
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #4

    Aug 31, 2008, 06:29 PM
    Have these things been conversed about over the phone? Have you visited her and told her in person where she can see the hurt in your eyes, and feel your hug and see your concern for her and her future?
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #5

    Aug 31, 2008, 06:35 PM
    Yeah maybe visiting and getting more comfortable with her home life and her boyfriend will put your mind more at ease. Right now you are scaring yourself by following an image you perceive of strippers.
    SarahGrace's Avatar
    SarahGrace Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Aug 31, 2008, 07:19 PM
    I have called her and called her she refuses my calls. I don't know this man she is living with from the man in the moon. My daughter talks to her brother and sister so I know that she is all right. My other daughter is concerned that her sister maybe doing drugs.

    My brother in law is going to visit with her next month. He said that he would talk with her. My brother in law told me that I was a great Mom. He said not to let it bother you so much.

    I told my daughter when she has her own child she will understand. She knows I love her. My brother in law thinks that I should just go to her house unannounced. She lives 450 miles from our home now. I guess I am afraid.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #7

    Aug 31, 2008, 07:20 PM
    Yes, in the "nicer" and "upscale" strip places, they have mostly college students as dancers, this is very common. And the security does not let any of the men get out of line. What the girls do outside the club, is up to the girls and their own personal morals.

    In fact without being offensive and being too general, in fact the majority of the struippers I have know had little interest in men and normally the girls were often more interested in the other girls. But they merely let the men think.

    But yes, you are not happy, if you want to have a relationship with her you are going to have to move 1/2 the way there. Go visit her and her boyfriend at their home, invite them over.
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #8

    Aug 31, 2008, 07:23 PM
    Telling her that she doesn't understand (saying this by saying she will understand when she has a child) is not the best way to get her to understand your point or your feelings on this. Explain how you feel and that you are disappointed although not ashamed. She is an adult and she can make her own choices, and thusly learn from her own choices. For some people learning from their own choices/mistakes is the only way they can learn. This makes life hard. One day she will realize your point, but now you may be coming off as an overprotective judgemental mother to her. She needs support. She needs you to say, "I don't always agree with your choices, but I'm your mother and I love you. I'll always be here for you."

    Have you tried writing a letter? She may not take your calls because she doesn't want to hear the hurt and disappointment in your voice. But if she receieves a letter in the mail from you, do you think she would read it?
    2C_is2believe's Avatar
    2C_is2believe Posts: 21, Reputation: 3
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    #9

    Aug 31, 2008, 07:49 PM
    Wow, I empathize with you and your situation. I know only so well what you and your daughter are going through. I put my mother through the same thing.

    I thought I knew what was best for ME... and ME was all I could think about! I was in my own little world and I wasn't thinking about my mother, I was selfish and only thinking about my gratification. Like your daughter, I wasn't into drugs either... my drug was the money.

    The money has her reality totally distorted, she is not thinking clearly, and therefore she is not making rational decisions. This is why she is allowing the boyfriend to take advantage of her. However, the more you pursue the further she will run. The real problem is going to begin when she tries making the transition from that world back to the "real" world. That is when she will grasp the true magnitude of her actions. All you can do is be there for her when she falls.

    Just know that it is nothing you have done. This is part of her destiny.

    Best to you all.
    SarahGrace's Avatar
    SarahGrace Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Aug 31, 2008, 08:22 PM
    We did not stop talking until she had lived with this young man for about 3 months. She told her sister that her boyfriend told her not to have anything to do with me. If you love someone you don't try and alienate them from everyone. This young man is surrounded by his family. Why else would he tell my daughter never to talk to us again?
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #11

    Aug 31, 2008, 10:35 PM
    He probably felt that you were having an adverse effect on her life and afraid you were going to convince her to leave. Remember she is living with him so he saw directly how she may have been feeling confused and torn and felt that for her peace of mind it might be better to not have any contact with her. All you can do is try to patch things up and ask her for a fresh start and get to know a bit of her new life without coming off as judgmental.

    In the past three years several strippers have lived on my street and as Fr_Chuck said the more upscale strip clubs watch out for them to some degree. Two of them I know did not do drugs and one of them is happily married.
    Sunnywootxp's Avatar
    Sunnywootxp Posts: 103, Reputation: -2
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    #12

    Aug 31, 2008, 11:20 PM
    Well my opinion are just talk to her like what you wrote here and she is old enough let her decide what is right or wrong. There is something in life that you don't experience it you won't know what will happen. And if you really need you she will come back to you.

    Goodluck,
    Hope you feel better
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    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #13

    Sep 4, 2008, 10:19 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by SarahGrace
    My husband and I are very concerned for our daughter. She is a bright and beautiful young lady. She received a full college scholarship. In our daughters junior year of college she announces to us that she is taking a break form school. We thought that she might just need a vacation. Then she announces that she has been stripping.

    We talked to her and asked her why would you want to become a stripper. One of the girls at her college dorm took our daughter to work with her one night. Our daughter said the money is great. She keep telling us that she can go back to school anytime. Our first thought was she hooked on drugs. She said she was hooked on the money. She said she can make $1000 a night.

    We begged her to reconsider. She was not an abused child, she grew up with both parents, she is a great kid, she was involved in lots of extra curricular activities at school. She does not have self esteem problems, she has never done drugs or drank alcohol. She was a normal kid.

    My husband and I have cried ourselves to sleep. We thought about the environment of a strip club is not a place that anyone would want to see their daughter in. We talk to about the men at the clubs. We warned her about men following her home, touching her, thinking that she was putting herself out there.
    Now we found out that she is living with a young man just a few years older than she is. She said that meet at a book store. But I believe she meet him at work. She tells us what a great guy he is and works at a bank. I asked he if his family knew what she did. She said no. She says he loves her. I told her if he loved her he would not let her go and take her clothes off for money every night. If he truly loved her he would be bothered by other men looking at her nude etc.

    Then we found out that she was paying for some of the remodeling to his house. I told my daughter her boyfriend was nothing more than a pimp. I told her that was not her house it was his house. I told her if he loved her he would make sure that she finished school and get her out of the strip clubs.

    My daughter will not speak to me anymore she has just cut her family out of our life. In the middle of the whole mess I was in a car accident. A woman rear ended me at a stop light and I have since had 2 back surgeries. I have spinal cord injury.

    My brother in law said that the truth hurts. He believes what I said to my daughter hurt because it was the truth. I am so worried that this young man will hurt her. How do we get our daughter back in our lives and back in school.


    I know you don't like her choice of "careers," but your daughter is an adult, she obviously (for whatever reason) felt she couldn't tell you the truth - and perhaps she gauged your reaction correctly, she is not breaking the law, she's not prostituting herself.

    She didn't tell you she's living with someone, possibly for the same reason. Presumably you raised her with a sense of right and wrong and now she's an adult and sees nothing with stripping.

    I don't know what City she's in and I don't know where you get your knowledge of strip clubs but in my area, at least, about 75% of the dancers are college students (and I realize she dropped out), nobody is touching anybody (because they enforce the rules) and nobody is following anybody home.

    I find calling her boyfriend a pimp to be outrageous - a pimp finds and manages prostitutes, locates clients for them, for money. So you have basically called your daughter a prostitute.

    I'd be angry with you, too - maybe I was fortunate. No matter where I went in my life, what I did, mistakes I made (and we all make mistakes) my parents never judged me, always loved and supported me. I think parents owe that to their children.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #14

    Sep 4, 2008, 10:20 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by SarahGrace
    We did not stop talking until she had lived with this young man for about 3 months. She told her sister that her boyfriend told her not to have anything to do with me. If you love someone you don't try and alienate them from everyone. This young man is surrounded by his family. Why else would he tell my daughter never to talk to us again?


    Because when you called him a pimp by mere definition of the word you called your own daughter a prostitute. He doesn't want anyone to call him - or his girlfriend - offensive names.
    hjpan's Avatar
    hjpan Posts: 902, Reputation: 29
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    #15

    Sep 4, 2008, 01:02 PM
    You did what you can as a parent.

    She doesn't want to listen, it's her fault.

    The best way to show your daughter the truth (taken from a CSI episode) is take her to a morgue where a body or several bodies of females have been raped and killed to show her the reality.

    Sure, the guy may seem nice but he might have made her speak those words cause she's afraid that he'll hurt her.

    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #16

    Sep 4, 2008, 02:18 PM
    [QUOTE=hjpan]You did what you can as a parent.

    She doesn't want to listen, it's her fault.

    The best way to show your daughter the truth (taken from a CSI episode) is take her to a morgue where a body or several bodies of females have been raped and killed to show her the reality.

    Sure, the guy may seem nice but he might have made her speak those words cause she's afraid that he'll hurt her.QUOTE]



    CSI is a TV show. Morgues don't let you wander in and out, looking at bodies. Her daughter is an adult, probably doesn't want to make the Morgue Tour with her mother. She's not speaking to her, anyway.

    The raping and killing are the reality of what - ? Stripping? Not getting along with her mother? Living with a boyfriend?

    You are reading far too much into this and I think you watch too much TV - no one knows anything about the boyfriend and suddenly he's a murdering, threatening pimp.

    Did the OP ever stop to think that she raised this child? She's not a prostitute - although her mother called her that; she lives with a guy and contributes to expenses. What's wrong with that? Again - who raised the child with the values that suddenly shock the mother?
    hjpan's Avatar
    hjpan Posts: 902, Reputation: 29
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    #17

    Sep 4, 2008, 02:56 PM
    [QUOTE=JudyKayTee]
    Quote Originally Posted by hjpan
    You did what you can as a parent.

    She doesn't want to listen, it's her fault.

    The best way to show your daughter the truth (taken from a CSI episode) is take her to a morgue where a body or several bodies of females have been raped and killed to show her the reality.

    Sure, the guy may seem nice but he might have made her speak those words cause she's afraid that he'll hurt her.QUOTE]



    CSI is a TV show. Morgues don't let you wander in and out, looking at bodies. Her daughter is an adult, probably doesn't want to make the Morgue Tour with her mother. She's not speaking to her, anyway.

    The raping and killing are the reality of what - ? Stripping? Not getting along with her mother? Living with a boyfriend?

    You are reading far too much into this and I think you watch too much TV - no one knows anything about the boyfriend and suddenly he's a murdering, threatening pimp.

    Did the OP ever stop to think that she raised this child? She's not a prostitute - although her mother called her that; she lives with a guy and contributes to expenses. What's wrong with that? Again - who raised the child with the values that suddenly shock the mother?
    Sure, TV is TV but what is the purpose?
    To me, it's not entertaining. I'm LEARNING.

    And don't attack me with "you watch too much TV" cause you don't know what I do.
    In fact, I spend less than 2 hours watching TV during the daily week
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #18

    Sep 4, 2008, 03:18 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
    I don't know what City she's in and I don't know where you get your knowledge of strip clubs but in my area, at least, about 75% of the dancers are college students (and I realize she dropped out), nobody is touching anybody (because they enforce the rules) and nobody is following anybody home.
    I live in the NY state too and I agree that most of the strippers are college students I disagree about what you stated happens in a strip club. I know strippers, one of my closest friend is one, and even at the most high end club rules are broken. They can be touch by whoever they allow it's totally up to the female. My friend dances at one that is know to attract a lot of men in the sports and music industry and they get to touch all they want. Even they have bouncer but they don't have a personal bodyguard and some of the guys do become obbessive but that can happen to anyone. They do have to be on the look out and at the end of the night the bouncers walk the dancers out.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #19

    Sep 4, 2008, 03:18 PM
    [QUOTE=hjpan]
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

    Sure, TV is TV but what is the purpose?
    To me, it's not entertaining. I'm LEARNING.

    And don't attack me with "you watch too much TV" cause you don't know what I do.
    In fact, I spend less than 2 hours watching TV during the daily week

    If CSI taught you that you can grab an errant adult daughter and force her to tour a morgue to see all the strippers murdered by their boyfriends you are watching too much TV, even if it's 2 hours a week.

    This is pretend, not reality.

    Morgues don't let you go on tours.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #20

    Sep 4, 2008, 03:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by liz28
    I live in the NY state too and I agree that most of the strippers are college students I disagree about what you stated happens in a strip club. I know strippers, one of my closest friend is one, and even at the most high end club rules are broken. They can be touch by whoever they allow it's totally up to the female. My friend dances at one that is know to attract alot of men in the sports and music industry and they get to touch all they want. Even they have bouncer but they don't have a personal bodyguard and some of the guys do become obbessive but that can happen to anyone. They do have to be on the look out and at the end of the night the bouncers walk the dancers out.


    Then the Club should be reported to the SLA - and I'm not joking.

    Your closest friend puts up with this? I'd find another club.

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