I have no children and I have only recently been married - we're about to hit the four month mark.

My husband is a good man, he loves me, but he can not understand me. I am very different to him. He complains about his job all the time, even though I know he has great passion for what he does. I don't know why I should be a sounding board for his negativity.

He expects me to clean and pay half of our bills, and do his laundry. I have a professional degree and I work fulltime. I expect him to carry his weight with household chores. I hate doing everything.

I had never lived with a man before my husband. I didn't know it would be so unblissful and so soul-destroying. I was not made to be a maid.

Also, I find it hard to lust after my husband. He has a tummy that has been growing and his conversation is so boring. He's not interesting and he doesn't read anything. He doesn't like to run on the beach or anywhere, or do anything. He just wants to sit on the couch and watch the television.

In the last four months I have not seen my friends as often and I usually did, and I have not been out doing anything fun really. He's so limiting.

I am 25, soon to be 26 and I don't know if I should stay with a good man, or seek a divorce or annulment so I can pursue someone who may be nothing but a fantasy.

I guess I don't understand why you married him in the first place. You had to of dated him prior...


How long did you date?

Have you talked to him about this? That is where you need to start, tell him that you need help around the house. He makes you pay half the bills? Do you have separate bank accounts or something? Why can't you go out and do things for fun, leave him at home if he does not want to go. As far as you saying it is hard to lust over your husband... ummm did he change that much in 4 months? Or is the "chase" over and it is not as exciting for you? Sounds to me like you and him need to sit down and have a nice long chat. The first year of marriage for my husband and I was really rough too, he was the first man I ever lived with... do not give up so soon, marriage is not easy, it is work, if you put work into it, it will be well worth it.

Sounds like married life to me.
When he complains about his job try saying stuff like yeah I know what you mean I have seen similar problems... Maybe if he sees you can relate he won't see it as the mountain he makes it out to be.

Do not pick up after him or cater to him do your share of the work and tell him he is going to have to do his share. If he leaves his dirty socks all over the bedroom and then doesn't have a pair of clean ones on day----OH WELL ---maybe he will learn.

You do need to tell him what you expected out of marriage and how far off the mark you feel things are.

I feel for you because marriage isn't always easy. I got married when I was 18 right out of high school. It wasn't easy but I knew that I loved him and I asked myself if I can see spending the rest of my life with him. I was scared that I would make the wrong decision and so called marry the wrong person. I prayed long and hard about if he was meant for me to marry. You did date before you got married I hope, but you need to ask yourself the same questions, do you feel like you are in love with him even though you now see his flaws. Its had to move in with someone for the first time, that's when the real you comes out. Your husband probably notices things about you that he might not like now either, but that shouldn't change the love you have for him if your truly in love. I have now been married for 14 years and more than once I questioned if I made the right decision but its only when were arguing or if he is doing something that I can't stand. But then I remember the good times I've had with him and the good things about him, and that brings me back to reality and its then that I realize that I'm in love with him and I wouldn't want anything else. There will be good and bad times and there isn't always going to be those butterfly feelings that you use to have in your stomach when you were dating. People think that when those butterflies go away that they must not be in love anymore and that is not the case. As for him not wanting to do anything with you, did he use to do these things? Because if not you can't hardly expect him to do them now. If he did use to, then you need to express your feelings to him and tell him how you miss those things and you would like to do them again. You are right you are not his maid, I feel that if you both work outside of the home that its both of your responsibilities to keep up on the house and maybe even take turns cooking. You again need to let him know how you are feeling, and somehow come to an agreement on who's going to do what on what days. Don't give up so soon, and I hope that I'm not being too forward by say to pray about it. I really think you need to find out if your in love with him, and if so hang in there, families that pray together will stay together. Have faith that you made the right decision in marrying you knight in shinning armor.

I really feel for you. I was in a marriage (several, actually) that could be described very much as you describe yours.

Here's what I've learned. If the other person has no desire to even explore the possibility that he or she might need to change, you're fighting a losing battle. i.e. If a person is a slob but doesn't see it as a problem, don't expect him or her to start screwing the cap back on the toothpaste.

I wish you luck. And, unfortunately, divorce is sometimes the only answer. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your own interests and vitality simply to stay with someone whom you now consider a poor match.

(Hugs)

I think Nohelp4u gave some good advice. Just don't do things like his laundry. When he doesn't have a clean pair of socks he has no one to blame but himself. And I'm going to be honest, it might cause a fight the first 2 or 3 times you do it because he is pissed because he has no socks. But once he gets used to it and sees it from your point of view the fight will stop.

I guess I'm missing something. Did you guys share similar hobbies and likes/dislikes before you got married? Did he just recently get lazy? Because the first few months of marriage kind of happen like that. His problem could stem from him being stressed out at work. Just because you love what you do doesn't make it any less stressful. Talk to him about his work. Have him tell you what's going on. Then, maybe offer to rub his shoulders (with nothing in return) to help relieve his tension. If he sees that you truly care (even though you mightbe tired too) then he will be more apt to see your point of view.

Why did you marry him in the first place? Was it his companionship, his humor, his good looks? What drew you two together in the first place? How long did you know each other before you got married? I'm missing a lot of your movie here to really be of any help to you. A little more information, please.

Hi sweety...

I face the same problem as yours... I know how painful it is. Seems very silly things, but everyday issues. At one day you will loose yourself. I tried plenty of times to make to understand things.. But Never. I still don't understand what exactly he's problem is? For a simple household work he tooks months or some times years to finish it, if I question he replies me to do on my own. I Totally hate him.. for not understanding me and how to take care of Wife...

Coming to the solution, these idiots will never ever change. That's for sure. Anyway you are not having a baby with him.. So better to leave him. Or Final chance, leave him for a year to let him know his mistake (Im sure he will not realise)If u find any change I will be happy for you both.

Hope everything goes well.
Vandhana