You asked a question, and then pretty much answered it in your follow-ups.
My mother was a woman who claimed illness because she couldn't face the emotional demands of young children. It was, "My blood pressure"! "I don't want to worry!" I guess you see the picture. We kids made her sick!
I think you and your daughter are in a dysfunctional kind of relationship in which each of you wants to have a pity party, and the other refuses to attend!
I think you both can work this out with professional help...peel away all the layers of dysfunction and resentment and get down to where the true mother-daughter love still flickers.
It's worth it.