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    snowy23's Avatar
    snowy23 Posts: 18, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 24, 2008, 07:47 PM
    How do I get my boyfriend to be more affectionate?
    We've been dating for almost 6 months now; in the beginning of the relationship he would kiss me a lot more and that would make me happy (but that was only for the first couple months) Sometimes it feels like we're only friends.. he 'almost always' gives me a quick kiss when we're saying goodnight, but lots of times, that's the only kiss ill get.. Most of my friends boyfriends are a lot more "hands on" and affectionate and I wish my boyfriend would be the same. So How do I get my boyfriend to be more affectionate?! And I know he loves me but he barely says it, how do I get him to say "i love you" more often to?
    the1unv's Avatar
    the1unv Posts: 285, Reputation: 31
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    #2

    Apr 24, 2008, 08:07 PM
    1st off saying I love you is not near as important as him showing he loves you. Has there been a time or two when he has tried to initiate sex and for some reason you have said no? If so he may not try for fear of rejection. Does he reject you when you make the move or are you simply waiting for him to initiate? My ex-wife told me NO all the time... it took almost two years for me to feel comfortable with making a move on my new wife. Once I felt good about myself again... OH MY... things were much better.
    Mike
    serena6878's Avatar
    serena6878 Posts: 94, Reputation: 10
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    #3

    Apr 24, 2008, 08:11 PM
    There is already an affection when you are together. Do you really love him? I believe you do. So, please don't worry about your concerns. In time, love grows with him. You would have all the happiness between lovers. And next time, naughtily tell him, "In movies, boyfriends kiss their girls passionately, I like that!"
    Some real cherishable thing in love is as simple as water.
    snowy23's Avatar
    snowy23 Posts: 18, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Apr 24, 2008, 08:38 PM
    There have been times where I would make the first move and he'll reject me! That's why I try and wait for him to kiss me first.. we still haven't had sex (he's the one who turns me down! ) which is also starting to become a problem in our relationship.. so I don't really know what to do. I just want to feel like a "normal couple" and be more affectionate/intimate
    rockerchick_682's Avatar
    rockerchick_682 Posts: 496, Reputation: 72
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    #5

    Apr 24, 2008, 08:39 PM
    Relationships are all about trust. Some people just aren't that affectionate.

    If I were in your situation I would ask him something like "I've been feeling really self-conscious about our relationship lately and I was wondering why you've been a little distant?"

    Eeek >_< guys are confusing!
    katringette22's Avatar
    katringette22 Posts: 57, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Apr 24, 2008, 08:50 PM
    I got it oppiste. I have a close friend (I like him allot). We do everything together and it seems to always be us. The odd time we will cuddle up together or give hugs. I've tried asking him out but because of other girls moving and forgetting about him he won't give me a chance... and I know he likes me.Its all about the trust...
    Man guys are confusing
    ashini's Avatar
    ashini Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Apr 25, 2008, 12:39 AM
    Dear snowy,have you ever tho8 the best part in your relationship is what? its th8 u 2 are together.. as girls we do expect a lot of attention and care and intimacy from our loved 1,but its not th8 with boys.. they do love us as much as we do,but the only prob with them is th8 they are not as expressive as we girls are... they do love but they hardly express.. nd in beginning in any relation the feelings are new and hence boys tend to give more,but gradually they kind of decrease it,but that at al doesn't mean there love decrease,in fact they become more serious with us with time.if he doesn't kiss you and if you want him to do that than talk to him.. tell him."love i just love it wen u kiss me!!"and you give him a kiss... its not th8 only oys shuld kiss rite?and I'm sure if you tell him he will understand,oys like it when girls are frank in all matters.. nd never judge him by his intimacy,I'm sre he loves you dear... all the best 4 your life!
    simoneaugie's Avatar
    simoneaugie Posts: 2,490, Reputation: 438
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    #8

    Apr 25, 2008, 01:48 AM
    Some people just don't like to kiss. Some are uncomfortable with outward displays of affection. Talk to him about the affection issue in terms with what he was brought up with.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Apr 25, 2008, 10:13 AM
    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...me-205224.html

    I think your trying to move in a direction he may not be ready for. Geez, its only been 6 months, so slow down some, and concentrate on other things relationships are about, besides the physical. He is an older more reserved guy, than the youngsters your probably use to, and that's something you need to understand, as he won't just jump your bones on Friday night, as he wants, and expects, a lot more than just casual, feel good sex. One thing for sure that's obvious, you haven't learned how to communicate, and work together to resolve your issue, and if you don't, sex will be the least of your problems.
    SeriouslyAM's Avatar
    SeriouslyAM Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Apr 25, 2008, 10:29 AM
    Snowy, to be honest I think he's got insecurities of his own, guys are the hardest species to work out at the best of times, but when it comes to having sex most are always "up for it".
    I think its nice that he's not always wanting it or asking or w.e
    But I also think you need to talk to him about it.
    Tell him you'd like him to show more affection, but don't pressure him into anything.
    In my opinion, he's either worrying about something
    Or he wants to let you know how much he respects you.
    xomizztylaxo's Avatar
    xomizztylaxo Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Jun 19, 2008, 12:39 AM
    OMG! It's like we're the same person. My current situation is identical to yours. I'm completely lost to. I mean its gotten bad enough to where I feel unwanted, or like he doesn't find me attractive or sexually attractive, but then there are times when he can't keep his hands off me. I think its me sometimes being paranoid, but these looks I get from time to time really hit hard, and it like a look of disgust. I've talked to him about it, even wrote him messages on myspace because I couldn't word it right in person if I tried (lol), and he says Im just being ridiculous, and that he loves me. But when we first got together it was so much different, we we're inseparable and couldn't stop kissing and hugging, holding hands, etc. So have things gotten any better for you? If so what did you do to change him, or get him to interact with you more? Thanks.
    snowy23's Avatar
    snowy23 Posts: 18, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Jun 19, 2008, 08:19 PM
    things are still the same.. he's not as affectionate as I would like him to be.. but I'm kind of getting used it =/ I don't know what to do..
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #13

    Jun 20, 2008, 05:31 AM
    Honestly there is not much to do as sometime we have to accept people for who they are. Not who we want them to be.
    snowy23's Avatar
    snowy23 Posts: 18, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Jun 21, 2008, 04:56 AM
    yea I guess that's tru.. I mean he's not as affectionate as often as I'd like him to be but he still can be at times.. like last night we were cuddling up in front of the TV for most of the night, which felt sooo nice and we were actually kissing for a while.. usually all I get for the night is a quick kiss goodnight! Just wish that could happen all the time! =)
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #15

    Jun 21, 2008, 06:47 AM
    Yeah, I can understand. When its good you just want more.
    leannejade's Avatar
    leannejade Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Nov 18, 2008, 04:51 AM
    Snowy, me and my boyfriend are going through the same thing! We have been together almost a year now but like you he stopped showing me as much affection after about 6months. I have told him time and time again that I need him to show me how he feels as it's important to me and each time he does it for a week or so and then stops. He says it's because he's comfy with me which might be the case with your boyfriend. It may just be that he doesn't feel like he has to try as hard with your any more as you have been together for a while and you should know how he feels, but in my eyes it doesn't matter how long you've been with someone you still need to show them that you love them. I don't really know what to say to you and I can't really give you advise as I don't know what to do myself, I have even thought of breaking up with him to make him see how much it's affecting me. You should just know that your not the only one in this situation, and that hopefully things will get better in time, be persistent with him and tell him how you feel and that it's hurting you as this may make him realise. X
    snowy23's Avatar
    snowy23 Posts: 18, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Nov 18, 2008, 05:45 AM

    We actually had our 1 year anniversary a few weeks ago.. for about the last month, I've been more distant with him and even tried "seriously" breaking up with him; he spent hours trying to convince me to give him another chance (not only because of the affection problem, we've had other issues too) and we got back together for like a week and then he broke up with me.. anyway at this point, we decided to just give each other some space and take things slow.. so were still hanging out, just not all the time; I have to say things are getting better and its starting to feel like were starting over and things are just like they were in the beginning. So I think if he truly loves you and you guys maybe mention taking a break, it could just make him really realize he needs to do more appreatiating!
    droyale's Avatar
    droyale Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #18

    Nov 3, 2010, 06:57 AM
    I have a similar problem. My boyfriend (49) and I have been together 8 months and he never seems to initiate kissing me, however, he'll always kiss me Hello and Good-bye, When walking he'll never take my hand to hold and always seems to have things to carry, i.e. cell phone, keys. He's told me that his father had never approved of "public displays of affection". Also, he's never verbalized to me that he loves me, but I've told him a few times I loved him.

    Recently when I suggested we "take a break" he got upset. His last email to me he quoted the words in the song, Fly Me to The Moon where it says, "you are all I worship and adore - in other words, I love you". Why can't he SAY it to my face?
    zdiarsteck's Avatar
    zdiarsteck Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #19

    Dec 12, 2010, 06:44 PM
    I think he's gay

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